We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
