Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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