I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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