Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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