I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
