speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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