Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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