u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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