I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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