I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
