Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You are a genius and a whore.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
