Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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