Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
