She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
