dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
