No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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