Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
