maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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