Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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