The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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