You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
