I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
