just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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