My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
