He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
