My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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