you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
