Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
