I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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