It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
