I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
