Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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