I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
