i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
