Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have fence marks all over my body
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
