peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
