Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
