I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
