How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
