After last night, I could never be a politician.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
