that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
