Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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