he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
