the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
