mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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