we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
