I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
