let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
