Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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