he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
