He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
