i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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